


18

by crocodileinterior



Category: DCU (Comics), Smallville, Superman - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:47:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22561978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crocodileinterior/pseuds/crocodileinterior
Summary: Lex knows Clark is going to outgrow him before he outgrows Clark. Sometimes it seems that they are just delaying the inevitable.
Relationships: Clark Kent/Lex Luthor
Comments: 22
Kudos: 132





	18

**18**

Clark is eighteen and it feels like a storm brewing in Lex’s chest. Lex knows Clark is going to outgrow him before he outgrows Clark. Sometimes it seems that they are just delaying the inevitable.

Martha Kent makes birthday cake, as she does everything else, from scratch and it almost pisses him off how perfect it looks with Clark’s name written in careful chocolate script and bright primary color piped candy flowers so he swipes his thumb across the frosting on the side when no one is looking, smearing it, and sucks it into his mouth to taste.

Lex has already celebrated one birthday with Clark and every marker of the passage of time reminds him that looming somewhere in the near future there is a termination date for this. He doesn’t know when but he can feel that it’s coming. After all, he would never be allowed to keep anything that could make him so happy.

He feels it like an itch under his veins, like a prickly heat climbing his throat. Clark isn’t going to be impressed by him forever and a time will come when his face won’t light up at the opportunity to drive around in Lex’s porsche or listen to one of Lex’s endless history lectures. Foregone conclusion. And when that time comes Lex will walk away with more than just his pride wounded.

Lex watches Clark blowing out the candles surrounded by his other friends and his parents who loves him more than Lex can imagine even in his most indulgent fantasies of familial warmth, and Lex almost hates him. But then Clark’s eyes find him among the throng of people and gives him one of those smiles that’s so bright it fills Lex’s chest with that weightless first love kind of high. Like he’s free falling and his stupid brain has forgotten what it’s going to feel like to hit the ground.

When he’s with Clark, he feels like he’s something better than he actually is. Like Clark’s friendship has redeemed him of all his evils. He used to think ‘born again Christians’ were silly until his own near death experience made him wonder at how born agains loved God, wondered if they loved God as much as he loved Clark but he knows they don’t, couldn’t, because no one has ever loved anyone as much as he loves Clark.

Lex knows it isn’t safe to think about. He tries to push away thoughts of Clark’s wide, earnest, eyes, that life granting mouth that resurrected him on the river bank… But it’s torture to have him so close. Clark is like something precious being held in his mouth. He wants him so much he wants to bite down just to hold him there, he loves him too much to do anything that would risk leaving his teeth marks on him.

But the water is rising in this shelter of compartmentalization Lex has built himself and he feels Clark’s eyes on him, hopeful and waiting. He doesn’t know Lex the way Lex knows himself. Lex hopes he never does.

It’s been weeks since the party but the first taste of Clark’s lips is sweet like Martha Kent’s birthday cake icing. But just like then, Lex knows this taste is forbidden, something he’s stealing when no one’s looking and so he tells Clark to go home to his mother and tries not to feel eviscerated at the way Clark doesn’t hide the shock and sadness on his face when he turns away and stalks out of his office.

He tries to convince himself it’s right, that Clark has no use for his defective heart, but by the time he’s drunk three tumblers of Scotch and the sun has set he’s already forgotten his own arguments and convictions, so when Clark walks back through the doors of his office and kisses him again all he can think is that he’s done so much wrong in his life already, what’s one more thing? He’s been fighting for a while and he has no strength left anymore.

Clark’s arms pull around him, hands trailing down his back. They’re so warm they feel like they could leave burn marks on his skin through his shirt. Clark kisses his neck, his chest, his stomach, all the way down until he’s on his knees before Lex and undoing his belt. Lex leans back against his desk and grips the edge so tightly his knuckles go white when Clark’s lips make contact with his cock.

He wishes he could melt into Clark so there didn’t have to be any space between them and he’d never have to know where he ended or began, so he’d never have to be apart from Clark’s skin, his lips, the heat of him. It scares him too. That he could lose himself forever in that unimaginably tender mouth. Forget fate, destiny, conquest, ascension, forget everything but Clark’s tongue- velvet and supple. He wishes he didn’t have to be Lex Luthor. He wishes he could just be someone Clark loved. Someone he smiled at and who he always trusted. He wishes he could admit he wanted that and not lose everything about himself.

“Please…. God, please…” Lex hears his voice streaming supplications and Clark draws him deeper into his throat. Lex’s hips stutter and he curls his fingers in Clark’s hair. He can’t remember a time he’s ever called out God before during sex but he’s never had sex with Clark before. It only seems appropriate.

He can’t imagine a time when he could live without this. Doesn’t know how he has until now. Doesn’t know how he will later.

Lex comes and it feels like catching fire. It feels like letting go. Clark is kneeling at his feet, panting softly between swollen lips. Lex loves him so much and he’s as terrified as he was that day when he looked up and saw that beautiful boy on the bridge and knew he was about to hit him at 70 miles per hour. Once again he’s caught in a slow motion car crash.

Clark stands and kisses Lex again. Lets Lex taste himself on his mouth. He thinks about the taste of river water and silt at the back of his throat. He knows he will burn through this and destroy it like he has everything else he’s ever touched. Doesn’t know how to do anything else.

Twenty-two years of experience and Lex doesn’t believe in happy endings.

_**.** _

**Author's Note:**

> This fic has been translated into Chinese by panzijiang and can be read here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23197144


End file.
